One Coffee Chat Changed My Entire Diplomatic Strategy
I'm convinced that building relationships during downtime creates more diplomatic wins than perfect policy papers ever will.
A casual conversation about school struggles in Geneva led to my biggest diplomatic win. Three weeks later at COP, the lead negotiator wasn't just circulating our safeguard language, he was actively advocating for it with other delegations.
I’m not cheating, no policy brief was pushed across the table between coffee sips.
In fact, that conversation had nothing to do with climate policy.
Everything to do with human connection.
I Used to Do Everything Wrong
I fixated on crafting perfect text, believing word precision alone would win the day. I focused on visibility, attending every meeting and side event. I relied on persistence, repeating asks and raising my voice.
I spent countless hours perfecting texts and racing between meetings. It felt like I was doing everything right, but my carefully crafted statements kept stalling without the relationships to back them up.
The problem wasn't effort. I was chasing outcomes without building the foundation that makes those outcomes possible.
What Actually Works
Real power comes from building relationships before you need them.
In 2022, I changed my approach. Instead of engaging diplomats only when I needed something, I started connecting simply to understand their perspectives and constraints. Consistently. Over time.
The difference became obvious. Diplomatic relationships built during calm periods will bring serious results during high-stakes negotiations. Simple human connections outlast even the most sophisticated policy arguments.
At that COP27 coffee meeting, we talked about his kid's adjustment to Geneva life. Policy challenges. Mutual frustrations with UN bureaucracy. Normal human conversation.
"How's your daughter settling in at the international school?" I asked.
"Still struggling with French classes," he laughed. "But she loves the playground politics, it reminds me of this place."
Three days later, when I needed support for Indigenous rights safeguards, he remembered me as a person, not just a position paper.
How I Put This Into Practice
I learn individual styles. Some diplomats prefer a quiet corner, no coffee, but do like small talk, others value casual coffee conversations, no problem with crowded areas, and straight to the point. I adjust to what makes them comfortable.
I connect before pressure builds. Trust develops in low-stakes interactions, not during heated negotiations. When I get the message “Coming to HRC to talk to UAE and Senegal” I replied: Don’t bother, they’re all super busy. Here are alternatives.
I focus on simplicity. A shared laugh about the singing coffee guy at the Lobby Cafe on the first floor of the Secretariat Building (my favorite order is Matcha latte with almond milk) and a quick whatsapp message during informals often achieves more than a detailed policy brief.
I listen more than I speak. Understanding what drives them comes before sharing what I need from them. I cannot emphasize this enough. You want something from them, so shush and listen.
My most effective moments aren't dramatic interventions. They're whatsapp messages and quiet conversations that build trust for when it matters most.
Before You Go
When you build diplomatic approach on relationships in stead of issues, negotiations flow more smoothly. Allies emerge more readily. Progress becomes sustainable.
Don’t get me wrong. Perfect language matters.
But the human connections behind it matter more.
During COP29 I had two Pacific youth reps shadow me, during a lunch break I shared with them this: To get to the position, you have to get through the person. They tweeted it immediately into the universe.
And, yes. This is my style. This is where I live.
But I’m sharing all this to show you that this is also a way to do things.
That power doesn't always have to come from being the loudest voice.
It can also come from being the voice that others already know and trust.
See you next time!