The 5-Minute Kindness Strategy I Use Everywhere
From flight attendants to diplomats I've seen strategic generosity open doors
A box of chocolates got me upgraded to business class last week. But that's not why you should read this. The real lesson is about a strategic approach to human connection that works in boardrooms, UN halls, and anywhere high-stakes relationships matter.
I flew KLM last week from Amsterdam to Geneva.
Before boarding, I stopped at the airport shop and grabbed a box of Merci chocolates for the cabin crew. It's something I do when I travel. Comes from my years in hospitality as I know what it's like to be on your feet all day dealing with people.
But here's what was really going through my head:
It was the 20:55 Amsterdam to Geneva flight. Geneva has an 11pm curfew, so this crew isn't flying back tonight. They're done.
I've flown enough KLM to know these flight attendants probably had multiple European flights that day.
I handed the box to the purser as I boarded. "Harde werkers mogen ook beloond worden," I said. That’s Dutch for hard workers deserve to be rewarded too.
She looked surprised. I walked to my assigned seat in economy and settled in.
Five minutes later, she appeared next to me with a bottle of water.
"Would you like to join me up front?"
She moved me to 1C. First row, business class.
I can't tell you why she did that. I choose to believe it's because someone acknowledged that her work matters. But maybe she had an empty seat and felt like being nice. Either way, I didn't ask for it. Didn't hint at it. Just said thank you and enjoyed the flight.
When Small Gestures Create Unexpected Returns
When we landed, she handed me a gift bag before I disembarked.
"You didn't have to do this," I told her.
"This was very nice," she said. "We had a very rough day."
That's when it hit me.
You never know how someone's day has been.
As I'm walking through the gate, 18 years of hospitality work flashes through my mind. Hotels, bars, kitchens. Sometimes forcing friendliness even when you've had the worst day of your life. Because that's the job.
Quick win: Next time you interact with service staff, say "thank you for working hard today" instead of just "thanks."
This Works Even Better in High-Stakes Diplomacy
Same principle applies in UN halls and negotiation rooms.
I thank people for their time. Buy coffee for delegates during breaks. Grab pizza for working groups that run late. Make copies when someone's printer breaks. Buy dinner for people putting in extra hours. Ask how life is beyond work and actually listen to what they share.
In 2017 at COP23, I brought food to two youth delegates who were pulling an all-nighter, waiting to deliver the Indigenous statement during the closing plenary. They'd been in that windowless room for 14 hours straight, surviving on vending machine snacks and coffee. So, I finished my dinner ordered two vegetarian meals to go and took the taxi back to the venue.
Give people space to be human, not just their delegation's position. Most people in negotiations are grinding through 12-hour days in windowless rooms, dealing with impossible timelines and political pressure. Your small gesture might be the first kind thing that happened to them all week.
Quick win: Next break, ask one person "How are you holding up?" instead of "How's it going?"
This Looks Calculated
I know what you're thinking.
"Yeah right, you're just doing this to score points."
"This is all calculated manipulation."
"You're being nice because you want something."
Fair enough. Maybe it started that way. Maybe some of it still is.
But here's the thing: Even if kindness begins strategically, it becomes real when you see how much it matters to people. When you watch someone's whole posture change because you asked about their family. When a simple "thank you" makes someone smile for the first time that day.
You can be skeptical about my motives. I'm skeptical about them too sometimes.
But the impact is still real.
Do I only bring gifts for KLM? No. But, the principle and outcomes are always the same. When I flew Minneapolis to Amsterdam with Delta, they gave me a care package. Lufthansa to COP29, they hooked me up with wine. Funny thing is, they always think I'm a flight attendant deadheading somewhere.
In terms of gifts. I'm strategic about it. Chocolate always works. Merci because people can choose their favorites. Ferrero Rocher for long-hauls. My goal this year is to upgrade to Starbucks gift cards.
Why Human Connection Is Rare and Powerful in Politics
This approach becomes even more important when you're working in environments where human connection gets stripped away by politics and procedure.
Diplomacy can be brutal. Everyone's guarding their position. Everyone's calculating their next move. Everyone's representing interests bigger than themselves.
In that sense, genuine moments of human acknowledgment become rare and powerful.
Not because they're strategic. Because they remind people that there are actual humans behind the talking points.
Don’t want to be nice to everyone? Consider being strategically generous with people who deserve your energy.
The Hard Truth About Recognition
Something else I want to share today: Recognition won't come.
If you're in diplomacy for praise and acknowledgment, you'll burn out fast.
I had lunch with my mentor the other day and he said it point blank: "You and I know the UN very well, and the Indigenous movement. Don't ask for recognition. Forget it."
I think for every praise you get. That’s IF you get praise. There are always at least two people carefully plotting to take you down.
You might get praised in public, but in those WhatsApp groups and Messenger threads? People are throwing word vomit against you behind the scenes.
That's why recognition should never be part of your metrics for success. I have several metrics, and kindness to people I vibe with is one of them. But recognition from the movement? Forget it.
But, as today is International Indigenous Peoples Day. I’m sharing last year’s video recognizing someone who embodies everything I'm talking about. Kim Gottschalk worked 50 years in Indigenous rights advocacy, most of it behind the scenes.
Kim never sought the spotlight, but he became instrumental in advancing indigenous rights at the international level. That's the kind of work that matters. That's the kind of person who deserves recognition.
That's why I protect my energy and vibe carefully. The people I connect with naturally? I want to be kind to them and amplify their work. Others get put in maintenance mode. I interact only when needed and provide the bare minimum.
Why This Strategy Works
Don't do this work for recognition. Do it because small human connections make impossible systems slightly more workable.
Because acknowledging someone's humanity costs nothing and changes everything.
Because maybe your gesture helps someone get through a rough day, and maybe that helps them make better decisions when it matters.
Not because you want something back. Because treating people well is how the world should work.
The Strategic Side Nobody Talks About
Being genuinely kind isn't just morally right. It's strategically smart.
People remember how you make them feel. When you need something later: Information, support, a favor. etc. They remember that you treated them like a person when you didn't need anything from them.
But you have to be selective about it. You can't be everyone's friend in these spaces. Too much kindness gets weaponized against you. Too little makes you just another political operator.
The trick is reading who deserves your energy and who gets your professional courtesy.
Back to the flight attendant story. When it's an Embraer, usually two crew and two pilots, so that’s four people total. Geneva to NYC? That's probably 14 crew including pilots, depending on the equipment. I'm calculating all of this while I'm buying those chocolates. Not because I want something. Because I know exactly what kind of day they've had, or about to have, and I know exactly what a small gesture means when you're that tired.
Your 5-Minute Kindness Protocol (Use This Today)
You don't need to be on an airplane to practice this.
Coffee shop during rush: "Thanks for working hard during the rush" (instead of just "thanks")
Grocery store after long day: "Hope your shift ends soon" or "Thanks for being here"
Hotel clerk with difficult guests: "You're handling this really well"
Overwhelmed server: "I can tell you're working hard"
Any customer service rep: "Thanks for taking care of everyone"
Pro tip: Use their name if they have a name tag. "Thanks for working hard today, Sarah."
Takes five minutes of your life. Costs you nothing. Might be exactly what they needed to hear.
Advanced move: In professional settings, ask about their life beyond work and actually listen. Give people space to share whatever they want to share.
The Real Lesson From 30,000 Feet
You never know how someone's day has been.
But sometimes, if you pay attention, you can make a pretty good guess.
And when you can, your small gesture might be exactly what they needed.
That KLM purser who moved me to business class? She didn't have to do that. But someone acknowledged her work when she was tired and stressed, and maybe that made her want to do something nice in return.
Not because I was trying to get upgraded or build my network or score diplomatic points.
Because treating people well is how the world should work.
Even when nobody's watching. Even when there's no strategic advantage. Even when all you get back is a tired smile and a quiet "thank you."
Especially then.
Start with one person today. See what happens.
See you next week!